If you had purchased $1,000 of shares in Delta Airlines 1 year ago, you would have $49.00 today!
If you had purchased $1,000 of shares in AIG 1 year ago, you would have $33.00 today.
If you had purchased $1,000 of shares in Lehman Brothers 1 year ago, you would have $0.00 today.
But, if you had purchased $1,000 worth of beer 1 year ago, drank all the beer, then turned in the aluminum cans for a recycling refund, you would have received $214.00.
Based on the above, the best current investment plan is to drink heavily & recycle. It’s called the 401-Keg.
DAL — 8/11/10 to 8/10/11 — DOWN 41% — 590.00 left after the decline
LEH — 8/11/10 to 8/11/11 — BANKRUPT — 0.00 left after the Bankruptcy
AIG — 8/11/10 to 8/11/11 — DOWN 43% — 570.00 left after the decline
Thirty Cans in a pound of aluminum.
Let’s say a year ago that a case of PBR was 13.99 (you got it on sale, and in bulk, because you’re a crafty bastard and knew you had 3000.00 to burn and BY GOD you weren’t going to waste it on E*Trade)
You bought 214 Cases of that shit and had a bit of money left over for a burger (but no fries)
So if there are 24 cans in a case, and you had 214 cases (plus a burger) — Then you had 5136 cans of PBR… which, by the way, you’d still be drinking at this point in time unless you had a series of serious parties and you didn’t let anyone drink anything but PBR while they were there (and why would you? Pussies can’t handle a real man’s beer? Then they shouldn’t be at your party!)
So if 1 pound of aluminum gives you 30 cans, that means you had 171.2 pounds of aluminum to recycle. Current Market for UBC Aluminum (Used Beverage Cans, they’ve got varying thicknesses so this index creates and average) is at $0.89 per pound.
If you take them over to your local recycling yard, they’ll probably give you half that. So that’s $0.45 per pound, times 171.2 pounds = $77.40 — I called up a place here in jacksonville and those fuckers would only agree to pay 0.33 per pound… but I’m guessing they’re just abnormally low or they think I’m an idiot. So let’s say I magically talk those bitches up to giving me a dollar per pound, because I threaten to sue them for something if they don’t cave and give me what I want. I’ll get 171 dollars and 20 cents! The Day is mine!
The only problem that remains is I am still only holding 177.20 instead of the assets I would be holding in stocks: 1060.00 — Sure, both ways I’ve lost money. Both were poor investments. What in the fuck was I doing buying so much stock in 2010 when these companies were on an obviously ephemeral rebound? Why didn’t I buy stocks in 2001 instead? It certainly would’ve been a better Idea than buying stocks in 2010, and I don’t think I’ve ever purchased more than a hundred dollars worth of beer unless I was planning on selling it or I had lost a bet and had to buy a bunch of rounds over the course of an evening out with lots of friends.
When common sense invariably fails you; before you think about reposting stupid crap on Facebook … Try Math. Honesty, Intelligence and Hard Work are going to be the only things that pulls us out of this mess. That’s how America got to be great: Honesty, Intelligence and Hard Work — and that’s the only way America is going to get out from under this mess that we’ve gotten ourselves into.
